The child control is one of the most sensitive issues that a private investigator faces in its investigations, since it sees underage protagonists and young people suspected of taking behaviors that can negatively affect their healthy mental and physical development. In most cases the parents who decide to contact a private investigator to shed light on the behavior of children, observed in them of disturbing attitudes, such as excessive aggression towards them or to others, a drop in performance in the results school, truancy, tend to be particularly distracted.
To learn more about the causes and reasons that lead a child to take on these attitudes we heard the opinion of Dr. Facchinetti Oliviero , psychologist and psychotherapist and head of the portal bullismo.it .
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Dott. Facchinetti, can tell us from a psychological point of view what motivates a child, a teenager to assume this kind of attitudes that are negative for themselves and for others?
It is difficult to give a concise and clear answer that it can be good for all situations. In general, if we speak of adolescence, then the period between 13 and 18 years, we observe that in this age the boy band detaches itself from adult figure, so it is quite normal to the fact that there are contrasts, of the positions and also a search of freedom and experiences outside of what is the family context. When this type of situations leads the boys to be aggressive or using drugs, it means that the boy is facing some kind of difficulty. If the boy has accumulated great anger or live a very frustrating situation, can let off steam by taking aggressive behavior with peers; or in other situations it might feel not realized for many things and shuns in compensatory behaviors, so try to be realized within the peer group, perhaps even pushing on the fringes of legality behavior. What I would like to draw attention is that there is a distinction between who is lead author of their own behavior and those who hire only inappropriate behavior to join the group.
So the group plays an important role in attitudes that takes the teenager?
In adolescence, the group plays an important role, both the group with which the boy is seen on a daily basis is the group with which the boy build online relationships, because these two dimensions are closely interrelated. The group has a strong weight because the guy comes off from belonging family and then builds a reference within the peer group.
In his experience the adolescent is more influenced by group or family?
Also here are the different movements depending on the various age groups. If we speak of early adolescence, we see that the adolescent has a conflict with the family but still feels the weight of the adult. More the boy grows and more comes off the adult. However, even in adolescence parents they are increasingly present in the eyes of the children and at the same time are related to the peer group. That’s the key there of all: if the teen tries the relationship with peers, but has a certain respect and trust of their parents, the moment is in a problematic situation, seeks a solution to safeguard the face with the group and to maintain the relationship with parents. But when there is a lot of anger with parents then it is easier for parents to be left out.
What mechanisms put in place the minor in the event that a parent who notices the strange behavior of his son, begin to control it?
If the contrast with the parents is very strong the boy’s response will be to increase the aggressiveness, but you must evaluate each situation in detail, since there are situations in which if nothing is done and not put in place a control may occur risks for the child.
So it takes a balance between dialogue and control?
Yes exactly. You must seek a balance between dialogue and control, but at the same time it is crucial to find the strategies, to make sure that things come to know.
What advice can you give parents who keep their children in attitudes that may be of concern?
Surely the first thing to do is to seek dialogue with the child, try to spend time together, find ways to share something. Dialogue is important and I have to try, although for years I have not had. Children are people who from childhood to their size, not everything is determined by the parent, so it’s important to be able to maintain a dialogue since they are small, and in this way we will have less need to chase them grow up.
Another thing to keep in mind is the need for the parent to maintain a certain authority and give rules to the child, without which the teenager is driven to move freely and in some cases to take on behaviors that can be harmful to himself . A good emotional bond, clear and shared rules, dialogue and willingness to listen can be considered “protective” factors that allow you to deal with crises and difficulties of adolescence productively. Where these elements, for various reasons, are deficient, they are to be sought ways to retrieve or build them.